#loveis

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02 Oct #loveis

Recently, one of my boys and his lovely wife came to town with their newborn son, My Godson. We celebrated accordingly, checked out Kanye. We ate good and we laughed hard.

As the pair celebrated their wedding anniversary, I was reminded that cuffing season is approaching. So, this year, I have decided to prepare myself by getting ahead on getting the gas bill paid and purchasing a good body pillow. If you know how to get them customized, holla at ya boy so I can get my assistant on that.

I’m not anti-love or cuffing if that’s what you’re thinking. I really do believe in love. I believe that love is patient, kind, long-suffering, without envy, not boastful and does not puff itself up—all of that I Corinthians 13 stuff. However, what y’all out here offering and receiving is not that. Folks out here aren’t familiar or even acquainted with love like the Bible describes it.

The new letter is:

love is petty,

love is selfish,

love is jealous,

love is unfaithful,

love is lying

love is stupid

love has bad breath

love wants something for nothing

love sends long texts about feelings

love gets mad when you don’t respond in 10 seconds to a text

love will get you fired from your job for cussing and yelling in the break room cause forgot you was work and snapped.

To the new covenant I say: Nah, I’m good.

So understand this: it’s not that I don’t believe in love, I just don’t have time for it. See the way my No F-bomb Giving mindset is set up, I am better off alone.

If you are in love and cuffing, how about a round of applause? If you’re taking my route, make sure your heating bill is paid and your body pillow is customized.

I’ll see you lovers in March, who knows.

—Jason

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